BlissfullyAware: A Website by Joshua Lane


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Dorks on the Corner

Joshua Lane / / No Comments

Every few weeks or so (after work) there are people on the corner of the street where our office building is. I honestly have no idea what they’re trying to do, but they all have clipboards, the same color t-shirt, and I try to avoid them like the plague. I figure they’re trying to sell me something, or sign me up to save the air; or the water; or the grass or something else that is SO AMAZINGLY IMPORTANT, I just HAVE to get involved. And did I mention they’re all dorks.

Well, okay, I’m sure they’re not ALL dorks, but the ones who stopped me were. The first guy to stop me did a two-handed finger point with a slight lean backwards. Go ahead, do that in your chair right now just to get an idea of what I’m talking about. Oh, and then, let out an “EYYYYYY” that would make the Fonz (from Happy Days) proud. Yep, he did that. I kept walking.

The next gentleman to try and stop me was a little less dorky. And I say “try and stop me” because I just kept walking this time… I learned my lesson from Fonzie jr. This new guy was a little more subtle and at first just asked me for a moment of my time. I shook my head and said “sorry, not interested”, to which he replied “how about a high-five then?” …wait, what? …a “high-five”? I don’t really know what his motivation was for requesting the highest of fives, but he was rather enthusiastic about it. Maybe his favorite sports team had won a big game earlier and he just wanted to celebrate? I don’t know. I didn’t oblige his request and just uttered another “sorry”.

Now, I’m sure you are all getting the impression that I’m just an asshole who doesn’t give anyone the time of day. Well, not so. Several weeks ago a few firemen were out on the corner aking for donations. Not only that, but they were collecting donations in their BOOTS! THEIR BOOTS!! I couldn’t resist and gave them $5. I got a sticker and a hearty “Thanks a lot man! Have a great evening!”… to which I replied “Glad to help!”

See how that went down? The guys in yellow shirts with clipboards were vaguely presented and I really had no idea what they were after. What was the clipboard for, anyway? Were they signing me up for something? Did they have sheets of information to give me? Were they selling goodies so one of them can win a crappy clock radio? I don’t know. And unfortunately for them, I just didn’t have the patience to find out. On the other hand, the firemen were just asking for donations. Quick, simple and straight to the point. Plus, they’re FIREMEN! How can you say “No, sorry, I don’t support life-saving heroics”? You can’t. Don’t even try it.

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