Dear Cab Driver

Thanks for driving by the other night. I had just missed my bus and really didn’t feel like standing out in the cold for 20 minutes until the next one arrived. Your arrival was much appreciated.

Here’s the thing, though… please stop trying to suffocate me. I realize you enjoy those pine scented air fresheners, and ever more-so, not bathing for days at a time. But when the smell of your rancid B.O. mixes with the noxious fumes of artificial pine death, I begin to question my will to live.

In my attempt to not inhale any of this “air”, I simply stopped breathing. What else am I to do!? On one hand, I could inhale and risk damaging my ability to smell (and taste) for years to come. On the other hand, I could try and hold my breath for about 20 city blocks. Sadly, for my sake, I can’t hold my breath very long. I tried and we only made it 3 blocks. Damn traffic lights! The only other option was to breath slowly and try not to notice the scent that could likely kill a small child.

In the end, I made it to my destination and the damage wasn’t too severe… aside from headaches and nausea …oh, and the fits of screaming and cold sweats.